Never again need you ask yourself, “Which came first, the chicken noodle or the egg drop?”
With spoon in hand (and tongue in cheek), it is with great pleasure that I introduce to you the one product that could outsell the science museum-staple, astronaut ice cream: Wallace’s Condensed Primordial Soup. Following a time immemorial recipe and canned with a combination of wit and staggering genius, each can is packed with inaugural amino acids. It’s Earth-tested, Earth-approved (some exceptions may apply; sorry, Kansas).
Wallace’s Condensed Primordial Soup is brought to you by the Unnaturalist Society’s Museum of Unnatural History, storefront for 826DC and 826 National, “a nonprofit tutoring, writing, and publishing organization… dedicated to helping students, ages 6-18, with expository and creative writing.”
The museum gift shop also carries a variety of petrified wood personal crisis alternatives (confused, disaffected, existentially distraught) and a full Natural Selections line of biological imperative supplements and extracts (gills, opposable thumbs).
Note: All proceeds from the Museum of Unnatural History’s online store are used to support 826DC’s writing programs.